Just another day…


I have no problem with privileged people. I just have a problem with how they manage these privileges. Sometimes you really have to face your ugly sides in order to wake up. In this case it’s not ugly as much as it is weak.

I’m sick of people who dramatize their lives and keep whining and whining and complaining. We all may suffer at some point in time from bad jobs, too many expenses, no love, bad marriages, horrible bosses, inconvenient living conditions, but the important thing is to get off your ASS and start doing something about it.

A lot of people these days have turned into reactive beings that just slump around complaining everywhere they go about how bad life is. Why can’t they stay positive and do something about it, or at least for the love of God stop complaining! For the people I’m talking about, they have so much to be thankful for, they have:

A roof over their heads
3 meals a day
Clothes
A family
Friends
Health

That is just so, so lucky! Let’s look at the bigger picture please. Now, I’m not belittling people’s problems. All of us need to mope around, feel depressed and out of mood sometimes. We all have a right to complain. But it cannot be a way of life whinning around : “Boohoo my life is horrible everything bad happens to me”.

Well excuse me, if you’re living in Gaza and you don’t know which member of your family, which friend or relative will be killed tomorrow then you will definitely have a different perspective on your life now.

Please, please stop complaining, stay positive and thank God for the many blessings he has given you today, for they might not last until tomorrow….Ok enough said here ~

Coming back to me,

Now I understand why I find it hard to open up. Now I am left living within myself, within my own mind. I have always been a strong person, but recently I have let myself become weaker and weaker, evading problems instead of facing them head on. I started living in denial. When you become weak, you become unconfident, and lack of confidence makes you afraid and defensive to the extent that you may lose everything you are trying so hard not to lose.

There seems to be still little spaces in my empathy room to giving chances & constantly believe to inject more ‘sense of acceptance’. In fact it’s a ‘doned’ thing already but I still know this ‘fickle-minded’, no I think that word is too strong to describe. It wasn’t really being ‘fickle’ but at certain time when even your own voice in the head is walking on an ‘unsure’ mode, there it goes again intruding in decision making & takes another pause trial again.

It pains me that for me to take such a personal decision, I have to worry about people’s judgement first before worrying about how I feel or what I feel is right. This is not the way it should be. Maybe this is really what bothers me about this society, and what I have been trying to fit in with all this time but was unable to.

This year has shown me that despite my most sincere efforts to fit in, I just cannot yet. In the meantime I think I have forced myself into things that are just not me in order to feel at home, part of a group, ‘good’, mainstream, like everyone else. But the thing is, I have always been critical of mainstream. Recently I’ve been told by a few people that I should start caring less about other people and their opinions. Does that mean I should disregard their advice? 🙂

You see that is how my mind works, it keeps going round in complex circles.

After hitting my lowest point, it was as if something clicked in my mind. I figured it out and instantly I regained the part of me that had been sitting there being covered by layers of dust everyday until I thought it had gone. When I look in the mirror I even see stronger, more determined person. Well, it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got the swing.

I woke up feeling like a new person today. I have taken my decision, It has not been set into action yet, it will. There are a number of concrete walls that I have to get through. But that is okay. I can accept them and their existence. I will figure out a way to get through it

All in God’s good willing.

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